You know, so often I get to the end of a year and envision the coming year as a loop. I've reached the end of a circle and I'm starting back over at the beginning. Something different happened to me this year. 
As I looked at Christmas, excited to see my wife open her gift (a blanket with Samantha and Katie from my novel on it. She says it's her favorite gift ever!) I peeked over the horizon at the quickly approaching 2023. It was time to cross that line again, start at the beginning of the loop. Time to reflect on everything I didn't quite get done and perhaps even worry about how many more chances I'll get to round this loop again.

But this year, even if it was just for a brief moment, something looked different. 2023 didn't appear to me as the same starting line I'd left off from in 2022, it didn't look like the beginning of the same loop. Instead... I saw a line. A straight path. Not a curved ring, not a snake eating its tail, not an endless round... I saw a line.

In that brief moment (which I am attempting to breathe life back into by writing this very post) I saw possibility. I saw hope. But mostly I saw something... something different. I've been spinning my wheels (an apropos metaphor I suppose) for a while when it comes to seizing my dreams, but on the back half of 2022 I took real, measurable steps toward accomplishing it. Instead of look at at 2023 and seeing the point I needed to start over again at, I saw a continuation. I saw... the next day. The day after today wasn't looking like something separate, a new continuum to exist on. It was a continuation of the hard work I've put in.

I've said it many times before, but there are big things on the horizon for The Paladin. I'm confident. The wheels are already in motion. This time I'm actually looking at tangible evidence. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm a little scared, to be honest. But I'm happy. I'm happy that 2023 doesn't feel like something completely separate from 2022. It feels like the next day.

Until I see you again,

Be Excellent to Each Other

2022 was not the best year for me. I think for the past three or four years we've all been saying something along those lines. I had some health issues, lost the truck I've owned since high school, my apartment flooded and left me with anxiety anytime there's a cloud in the sky, and both my aunt and uncle died within 24 hours of one another. So... not the best.

But I firmly believe that even in the darkest places and times, so long as you can move, you can take a step toward the future you want. For a long time I've been dipping my toe into waters of my dream, committing for a day, maybe a week to being a real author. Being a real writer. Treating my work like real literature. Well, I can still move, so I'm plunging now.

A great deal of this is at the behest of (and near threats of violence from) my amazing wife. She's worked really hard so I can focus on this. So, as soon at next month, January of 2023, expect to see a lot more of stuff revolving around The Paladin.

I think the world I've created is really cool. It's so fun to play in and the people I've shared it with have loved it, too. So I want everyone to see it and have the chance to explore it. To that end, I've expanded my work brand into The Paladin Archives, an umbrella brand for everything revolving around my book, The Paladin.

You're going to see stuff on YouTube, stuff on Twitch, and a new sister website coming the focuses on the book, but in-character. It's still a work in progress but it already is so much fun!

Updates on the blog may not be daily like they once were, but they will be meaningful. I'm taking real, concrete steps that I can't go back on. No more sitting on the edge of the pool splashing my feet. I'm going in and I'm either going to sink or swim. If you like my work, if you think it's fun and interesting, say so and you'll be helping me swim.

I won't spoil anything else until it's ready, but expect it soon. And expect it a little different and a little weird. I'm reclaiming 2022 as a positive year and going into 2023 with optimism. That may be tempting fate (given the last few years) but what else can I do? I'm not going to sit on the side anymore.

Until I see you again,
Be Excellent to Each Other

PS. Enjoy this AMAZING artwork from artist Prissiie. Her stuff is freakin' fantastic. I took her image (with permission) and crafted the (technically) first piece of Paladin Merch, a blanket for my wife for Christmas. Yes, she loved it.

I guess you can think of this as an unofficial Paladin Playlist. I'm kinda in the dumps. On top of everything else that's happened... my aunt dying, my uncle dying, my wife being in a car accident, my apartment flooding... now my truck has broken down. The engine is gone. I did something stupid and killed a vehicle I've had since I was a teenager. 

It was the truck I drove through high school. The truck I took to university. The truck I took my first girlfriend out in. Now it's beyond repair. 

So... I want to share a song that I played on loop the day of my uncle and aunt's joint funeral. I'd like to think my uncle would've gotten a kick out of it. He was that kind of guy.

Actually, I've kinda decided this is the song I want played at my funeral. So... without further ado, Always Look on the Bright Side of Life, from the movie Monty Python's Life of Brian, by Eric Idle.  

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best
And...
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the light side of life
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps.
Just purse your lips and whistle, that's the thing!
And
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the right side of life
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin,
Give the audience a grin,
Enjoy it, it's your last chance anyhow.
And
Always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke it's true
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the right side of life

I intended to do a lot more since my last post, and I promise I'm working on the novel, but in the middle of all that... my home flooded. 

We recently moved to a new place and while we've learned it's not so protected against water. First it was leaking windows during a particularly hard monsoon rain. We stopped that up with towels. Then... we found out our apartment is at the bottom of a gradient. At the bottom of a hill. In a walled off section. When the rain got really bad, it started flooding in beneath the doors. We have a front and back door and this meant it rushed in from both sides. 

Fortunately I was awake at 4am when it started. But that meant my wife taking off two days from work after we just spent a LOT of money in our move. And then it meant spending a lot of money on equipment to remove all that water. Since then, our landlord has provided some sandbags, but we don't feel particularly secure. I've lost a lot of sleep watching weather reports change by the hour.

You know what I absolutely hate? The iPhone's weather app has dynamic backgrounds that depict the weather outside. So while I'm huddled up at 3am in the living room with a shop vac at the ready, everytime I check the app to see how long the storm will rage, I get treated to lightning and rain on my screen. I hate that. So. Very. Much.

But we're okay. I lost a pillow that someone dear gave to me a long time ago, but beyond that, we didn't suffer any real losses. We had to clean for days and I have zero confidence when I go to sleep. I have to check the weather report constantly. (Did you know it can change from hour to hour? So that message that said it would let up around 2am can suddenly swap to 5am?) I've lost peace of mind. At least until our landlord finds a way to help prevent the next flood. 

Oh, and by the way, the windows keep leaking. So... there's that.

But all this has given me a good excuse to put off my weekly League games with my friends, so I've turned all my attention to my book once more. I have some big plans in store. We're almost done reworking the book once more and when that's done, I have several special projects waiting. I'm excited. I'm anxious about the weather, but I'm excited for the future. I think this can still be done.

With that, I'm out.

- Be Excellent to Each Other

It's been a minute. I had a lot of contract work I was doing, which was fun, and then a lot of moving.

Life has been... happening. I don't want to say hard, because lots of people have been having it hard. I don't want to say odd, because this is the kind of stuff that happens. I guess it's just been a lot at once. 

My aunt and uncle both died recently. I got the news for each of them within about 24 hours. I'm not even sure how I feel. Getting hit with that all at once, putting it on top of everything else I'm trying to work through, it almost just pushes over the top and comes back around as numb. I know I miss them both dearly. My uncle was one of the people that I most connected with in my youth. He more or less introduced me to nerd culture. He was the first in our family to really have internet. He was sharing video games with me when I was still in single digits. He even took me to a Star Trek convention once. He was always ready with a joke and always ready to say something weird. That was my tio.

My aunt I didn't have as strong a connection with, but she was still a kind and wonderful woman. When my parents died, she was there, asking me how she could help, supporting me. Apparently she even kept the rest of the family up to date on my weird wanderings in China. 

I miss them both. 

But I need to keep moving forward. My writing has lagged, but I will have more and more stuff up here. Be prepared for some new game reviews here, some playlists, and, hopefully, updates on the Paladin. 

Until then...

​Be Excellent to Each Other.

It's been a while since I've posted at all, but I figured a Paladin Playlist was a good way to get back into the habit. 
For those who don't know, I'm currently bogged down with a contract I'm working on, but I'm only a few chapters away from closing that deal (pending client approval) and then I'm back to focusing on what I love most.
But let's talk about today's song, because I absolutely love this song. Those that have kept an eye on this blog know I'm a fan of Vivienne Madrano, better known as Vivziepop. I first drew inspiration from her amazing animation to Kesha's "Die Young," absolutely falling in love with her style. Once Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss manifested, I knew I'd backed a winner! 

You Will Be Okay is a sweet, beautiful song from a very mature, even trashy show (I mean that with love, Vivzie!) It's the kind of show that preps you for tons of violence or swearing, but not for freakin' crying! And cry I did. Manly tears, I tells ya!

The song is beautiful. It's filled with such love, such dedication to the character's child. It sincerely makes me want a child of my own just to be able to share such a sentiment. It makes me think of my own parents and their care, the love they had for me, especially over something as simple as a bad dream. Yes, my child, you had a bad dream and you couldn't find me. But know that nothing will stop me from protecting you. Whether it's a simple bad dream or the entire world falls apart, I will be here to make sure You Will Be Okay. 

Enjoy Vivzie's You Will Be Okay from Helluva Boss episode two. The first video is the song by itself and the second that episode. VIEWER DISCRETION RECOMMENDED.

- Be Excellent to Each Other

Hey everyone!

I know it's been a hot minute since I've gotten any new content here, and I'm not thrilled about it either. But I figure if anyone checks in, they deserve an update so lets hit it!

First off, the novel is certainly not cancelled or anything like that. Real life has just creeped in. Since returning from China we've been in a financially unstable situation. Looking for work and housing has been terrible during this pandemic.

I've taken on a contract writing gig. I'm under an NDA and writing under a pen name, so unfortunately I can't share any of the work here, but I will say it's 1. fiction, and 2. a genre I've never really touched before. It's been a strange and enlightening experience, though not terribly financially satisfying. Still, I'm getting a check for words I typed, so I can't complain much.

Due to the aforementioned financial instability, I've also sought more traditional employment. My wife is doing well with her work as a Pharmaceutical Tech, but we still need more so I've interviewed for a position as a Video Game QA tester. The pay isn't grand, but it's enough to fill the gap and it knocks off an item on the bucket list as I'm fairly certain this means I'll have my name in the credits of a major video game or two.

Let's talk about The Paladin, though. Where are we? According to my big-ass white board, working on scene transitions and "big voice" vs "little voice." Book 1 is at 80% narrative completion. If you're a longtime reader of the blog, you'll know I took the original Paladin story and broke it into two books to accommodate word count and give some of the elements room to breathe. I'm committed to this and I'm going to make sure it happens.

As far as Paladin projects go, we have two books, a few spin-offs, and a game I'm working out. There's a lot on the table but I love this universe. I believe in it. I want to bring it to life and show it to all of you. That's still happening.

Until next time, 

​Be Excellent to Each Other

Now that I'm back from China, things have been strange. I've spent a good while just readjusting to life here in the US and, while I'm certainly glad to be home, I've come back at possibly the worst time. The worst time, not just for me, but for our country as a whole. We're more divided and more threatened than we've been in a very long time, and I'd be lying to say that I don't think about it.

During this whole time I've been back I've been trying to readjust, to search for work and writing gigs, but a big portion of my time (and I mean a surprising amount) has been spent doing something I love... but not something I love enough. 

For those who know me, you might be familiar with the Smash Fiction Podcast. They were an awesome podcast run by some good friends and it was through them that I began running a weekly TTRPG session based off the old 1980s Marvel RPG system called... -trumpet sounds- Extraordinary League. It's been a challenge to run, not just for being a tabletop game, but for being one that is, at its core, Fanfiction the Game. Where in a normal D&D game I might be able to come up with alluring and deep characters that can surprise and enchant my players, in League I'm limited to existing fiction. No surprises when Jafar from Aladdin steps into the room and asks how you like the pudding. Yeah... he's the bad guy. But I've been making it work for over a year now, with three groups no less.

The problem is that with three groups, all running in the same world, all having games weekly, I've had to stretch my creativity in ways that I've never done before, and while that sounds good on paper, in practice, it's been exhausting. If I want to take the players to the cantina on Tatooine, that's fine, but I better research the crap out Star Wars lore to make sure the experience is authentic to the source. And where in other games or just writing in general, if I need a good villain I would craft one to suit my needs, I now have to trawl through TVtropes for hours to find one that both meets my criteria and whom I won't have to watch three seasons of an obscure anime to do justice to. It's fun, it really is, but well... I've been back since August and this is only the second blog post I've made. All my time is spent either researching for League or dreading that I'm not researching for League. And my players, I think, can sense this. My work has been subpar, even a little slapdash, and that's no fun for them or me. 

The worst part, however, is that it's taking away precious time for the other things that matter. I hesitate to say that League doesn't matter, because it most certainly does! I've met wonderful new friends, people who, for some reason, care enough about me to pitch in together to help me recoup some of the cost of the several plane tickets I purchased to get home. People who made it possible for my wife and I to get out of China and back here. They're wonderful. But even they've told me before that life comes first. Health comes first. 

So what's the lesson? I haven't touched my novel in any serious capacity in months. I've neglected self-care for at least as long. I'm watching as people around me are making strides in their lives, things they should rightfully be proud of, while I'm standing stagnant once again. I don't want to do that. The lesson is... prioritize.

Prioritize doesn't always mean casting off the meaningless things and doing the meaningful things, sometimes it means setting aside the important things to do the more important things. I have a dream. This website is my conduit to you all for sharing that dream. I have plans in place that I cannot abandon. So I'm making this my day zero. It's time to write. It's time to plot. It's time to plan. It's time to fix this silly website so it works on mobile better. And it's time to put my dreams, the things I hope will support my family, front and center. I know my League friends will understand, no matter how much that part of my brain continues niggling at me that they'll be disappointed. They'll understand because they're friends. 

I'm not abandoning anything. I'm prioritizing. This right here, this website, this portal to my work, comes first now. And if you've somehow read this far, well, thanks for being here. I promise I'll start putting things on this website worth your time. 

Until next time--

​Be Excellent To Each Other.

Sorry to be gone for so long. I know I had few readers to begin with, so if either of them are still around, thank you for your dedication.

In any case, I'm back. For those who don't know I spent the last year and a half in China. It was an intriguing experience which I feel will be great for my writing and has certainly left me with an appreciation for both my country and the rest of the world. There is so much to share and talk about and, frankly, I have no idea where to begin.

I think the most pertinent thing to mention, though, is that The Paladin is very much still on track. There have been a lot of changes made to it over the past year and a half. I've been working (semi) diligently and even have some nice side projects in the works for the book and the series as a whole. 

Right now the only thing I can really speak to is that the first book in the series has changed significantly enough that I can no long call it the same story. Essentially, I've taken the draft I had finished previously and split it in half. My beta readers seemed to enjoy the story and when I asked for non-crucial parts that I could remove, most couldn't give me a solid answer. So the only logical thing I could think of was to split the book in two at the point where the main character's introduction to the world moves into the main plot of the book. 

Essentially, the first book is the first half of the original story plus a little more to round out Jonathan's first adventure, then the second book takes the second half of the original story and rounds that out to complete the arc nicely. I'm happy with how it's coming and I think you'll like it too!

As far as this site goes, I'll be returning to regular posting effective immediately. Now that I'm back in the states I know have at least two weeks of quarantine where I'll have plenty of time to focus on my work and the site. I'll try to keep my stories about China reserved to only those pertinent to either my book or to writing in general. I learned already after my stay in the Netherlands that I quickly become that guy that starts all his conversations with "Actually, back when I was the Netherlands, I used to ..."

With that all out of the way, look forward to new content coming shortly. And especially with the global and national climates as they are, I sign off with my usual phrase that I feel is more pertinent now than even.

--- Be Excellent to Each Other