I missed a blog post yesterday. It was the first time I've EVER missed one. I couldn't help it. I've been far too busy preparing for this move. Now, here I am sitting in the dark, my room is barren, and I'm feeling distant. I think I may have been feeling a bit more than I've ever felt over the last week. Anxiety. Worry. Dread. Excitement. Hope. Fear. Joy. Despair. I think I may be out of feelings.
As I write this I can't help but think that I should still be feeling nervous, yet all I feel is tired. I'm ready for this to be over, one way or the other. While I certainly don't expect anything to stop Elizabeth and I from moving to Shenzhen, I can tell you this: if one more thing happens, I'm done. I just don't think I ever want to go through this stress again.
I will say this, though; it's been remarkable the support I've received from family and friends. I wish a few of them had better timing, but it's still encouraging to find yourself running out of time to see everyone that wants to say goodbye. I've had to combine a few meetings (and I really should inform all the people involved) and, I don't know, I guess it just feels nice that there's a group of people out there that look at me and think "Aw, man, I'm going to miss that doofus."
Something about this is just... different, though. I've moved a dozen times before, I have that down. Moving to Vegas. Moving to Flagstaff. I was this close to moving to Los Angeles. But this... China. It's so vastly different. Sure, if I play my cards right I'll never have to speak a word of Mandarin (or Cantonese), and I can hang out with expat friends every week, but I don't think that's what I'm in for. This whole experience is just something... different.
As midnight approaches and another missed blog day looms, I don't feel the crunch, the anxiety that I once did. And not just because I've already missed one blog post, but because... well... this whole thing is different. And because of how different it is... I think now I'm different. And I haven't figured out yet if that's good or bad. I guess I'll have a couple years to figure it out.
Hey. Be Excellent to Each Other.
Keep your eyes open for my debut novel, The Paladin.