Game Review: Log Jammers

One of my more recent reviews is up on GeekNifty and I thought this might be a good game to share with you guys. I usually have a load of wonderful things to say about the games I play, or at the very least, point out what I liked and where I can see the developer tried. I... don't have much to say about this one.

First off, is Log Jammers bad? I mean... Sorta? The problem is there's nothing here. That trailer can substitute for playing the actual game. There's just no meat to this thing.

No story beyond a tiny bit of detail in the character selection. Gameplay? Pong. With axes. I think I summed it up best in my official review on Geek Night. It's Pong, but complicated. 

Does that make it better? Not in the least. The music is okay, but a bit try-hard as far as the retro feel goes. In fact... all of the game is a little too try-hard for my tastes. It's trying so hard to be a game from the '80s that it doesn't know how to make a gamer today enjoy themselves. 

So how does it go? Well, pick a strange character like the Zombear or Lumberjack, and then play Pong. But with an ax. You chuck said ax between each other trying to sneak it past and score. There are powerups that slide past the dividing line that can keep your opponent from catching the ax, freeze them in place, or let you unleash a special move, but I found myself only grabbing them to keep my opponent from grabbing them. They didn't help me at all.

Oh, you want to know what did help me? Moving to the bottom right of the screen and waiting. Yeah. The AI can't stay still, so if you move close and just wait, they'll helpfully slide out of your way. They catch on a little in later challenges, but all you have to do is move to the TOP right. Seriously, just pick a spot and wait. I got SO MANY perfect rounds in a row with this maneuver. No skill. No powerups. Just push forward and wait until they move out of the way.

So I hear you asking "what about game modes?" At least I hope you did or that game drove me insane. Either way, you're in luck. Besides single rounds and online play, there is Tournament mode. What's that? Just play a bunch of rounds in a row! Oh, but the variety doesn't stop there. You can play normal mode or Cheerleader mode. Sound exciting? Prepare to be mildly entertained and then never bother with it again. 

Cheerleader mode puts, get this, cheerleaders in front of your goals. Now you have to behead them to get to the goals. That's all. Just stretches out the individual rounds. 

So, again, is it bad? Well, no, I suppose not. But it's certainly not good, either. It's banking HARD on the retro vibe and, honestly, I found it more annoying than charming. Even retro games like Mega Man still know to make things look as good as they can without killing the retro vibe. Why they insisted on poor graphics and ONE song that loops through the entire mess of a game, I have no idea. 

Will you enjoy it? Probably, for a round or two. I wouldn't recommend playing for much longer. Despite it's insistence on being psuedo-retro chic, it's definitely not a cut above the rest.

DFTBA

PS. 

Oh, and just because I couldn't help but think of it everything I booted up the game, enjoy this scene from the Big Lebowski.