Unease

There's a certain anxiety that sets in when you finally have Beta Readers going over your work. I can only imagine when the work is finally published how anxious I'll be then. There's something about actual people, people who don't owe you anything or even know you from Adam, looking at your work and giving it a critical read.

My inbox is getting flooded with notifications of people noting things about my work. It's hard not to just sit on my email, watching for the next update. These aren't even full updates, just little notes about clarity, continuity, and what have you. 

Every time I see something, I get more and more anxious. These people are doing me a huge favor by looking it over, giving me their honest opinions. But this is something I poured my heart into for years. It's... hard to see all the stuff I either messed up or that people don't understand. This is a huge stage, not only for the novel but for me. I'm about to feel like the worst writer on the planet, but I know from previous betas that the story is good! Minor nitpicks and confusions about things, especially from people who are specifically looking from them, are going to happen. 

My novel sits at around 136,000 words. I understand, in my brain, that I can't possibly catch all the mistakes. I'm too close to the work, I understand too much of what's going on in the background to realize all the times I didn't explain something fully to my readers. But these beautiful people are here to help me. 

Still... I can't help but think, on occasion, "Geez! Stop telling me what's wrong with the novel and just tell me I'm awesome!" But it's okay. This is the process. After all, if you don't have someone there to point out the bad decisions you made in your story, you end up like George Lucas. With... billions of... dollars...? I think I lost that metaphor. Someone should really beta read my blog posts.

​DFTBA